Huwebes, Agosto 11, 2011
How To Win Someone Back When You've Lost Their Trust
For most people, trust in a relationship is the fundamental of staying together. When the trust is compromised, a relationship is fragile, if it survive at all. If you are trying to find out how to win someone back after you've done something wrong to hurt them, the key here really is how you can win their trust again.
Have your partner told you "I don't trust you anymore" or "I can't look you in the eyes without thinking about what you did behind my back"? Right now, you probably feel rather guilty about the situation and is willing to do almost anything to make up for your mistakes. The problem is, actively trying to convince the other party how you sorry you are and how you're willing to change is not how to win someone back - it's quite the opposite, actually.
This is because, you are doing the typical thing anyone will do - swearing that you'll stay faithful next time, begging for that last chance and so on. Your partner will go "yeah right" and there goes your effort. The secret on how to win someone back after you've betray their trust is to let them "forget" what happened and let bygone be bygone. I personally know a lot of couple who do not go throught this, got back together, only to break up all over again.
You see, when people get back together for the wrong reasons (and they do, all the time), the "hurt" party is always going to bear some grunge against the "culprit" party. Say, you miss your boyfriend too much you finally give in to his pleadings and promises (you desperately want to believe him so much), but then you always suspect that he may cheat on you again. So what do you do? Chances are, you will always check his phone, his emails and questioning his whereabout in details.
Imagine what kind of relationship that would be, huh? A low trust one, that's what it is. And that is why, you cannot rush in, and you cannot take the easy way out in winning ex back, until the two of you are ready to start afresh to build a healthy and high trust relationship. Therefore, the answer to how to win someone back is to start anew. My friend T Dub calls it The Clean Slate Method - which means that you start again on new ground.
So, what exactly is this Clean Slate Method? Say you want to know how to get your wife back after she ask for a divorce - =it's quite common for you to apologize and try to win her back by being nice, sincere and so forth. Well, the question is how do you do it. Of course you apologize....but it's not WHAT you do, it HOW you do it. You and her know that it is your fault - but how to win someone back even when it's your fault, is to set up the apology process, so that it conditions your wife to take you back.
Apologize Like You Mean It
You can say that this is manipulative, but hey, as long as it helps you to get wife back, it is worth your time. So you setout on your get-wife-back- journey, and you'll maybe say something like "Jenny, please forgive me. I know it's my fault, I really shouldn't .... (fill in the blank) but I............."
Now, hang on a second. Do you see your error here? Your ex wife will go WTF when you do this : I know I'm wrong to sleep with the nanny BUT she seduced me first. This is not how to win someone back, my friend - no BUTS in your apology! See, when you use the word BUT, it implies that you are not sincerely sorry for what you did. You went gambling but your friends dragged you there....you were drunk and smashed the car but your boss requested that you drink with the client...etc...etc'
It's like saying that yes, you messed up, but it's not really your fault. How angry would your wife be? Your apology has made her even angrier! So the correct way to get wife back of all time is to apologize and really mean it. You have to take ownership of your mistakes and convince her that you've done a lot of thinking lately about your action and how you truly see now that it's the dumbest things to do.
Buy Yourself Some Time
Convincing your wife that you've searched your soul brings us to getting yourself more time before jumping into action. Think about it - if you apologize instantly after you've caught red-handed, what message are you giving out? That you're only sorry because you get caught. That you obviously have not think about the wrong that you did. You're never going to get wife back this way. She'll see right through you and that's how most people ruin their chance to get their ex back.
Do not be driven by the urge to "correct" things as sometimes, doing nothing for a while is best for both parties. Your ex wife may need more time to go through her own feelings as well as manage her anger (which makes it easier for you when you do eventually apologize.
This is only a classic example of how to win someone back after you've done something to hurt them. There are in fact, a lot more to The Clean Slate Method, which you need to check out to make your apology appear even better. The good news is, The Clean Slate Method is only one of many techniques thought in T Dub's bestselling guide, The Magic Of Making Up. Whether you are wondering how to win someone back or get wife back, this is the guide that can make or break your effort.